Beautiful Disaster
by Amethyst Amber
Summary: A sweet songfic. Kaoru ponders the beauty of Kenshin one night. All of this leads to a revealing conversation.


Beautiful Disaster

_-_

_He drowns in his dreams,_

_An exquisite extreme I know._

_-_

Kamiya Kaoru opened bright blue eyes in frustration. There would be no going to sleep now. Not now that she heard Kenshin tossing in his sleep. Damn dreams…they haunted him…

All the deaths he had committed and seen, they came back in his dreams where he was helpless to fight. Her fists tightened. It wasn't fair.

_-_

_He's as damned as he seems,_

_More heaven than a heart could hold._

-

He was cursed, and she hated it. She suffered with him, the irrepressible feeling of being helpless overwhelming her. She stood up, clutching her yukata to her tightly. She walked to the shoji and opened it quietly, tiptoeing down the hallways. When she came to the rurouni's door, she paused.

_-_

_And if I try to save him,_

_My whole world would cave in._

-

If she opened that door, she'd be committing herself. She'd have to tell him everything. It wasn't every night you woke up to find some girl in your room. She didn't know if she could handle that. She didn't want to lose him. If she told him, she might chase him away. Kaoru clenched her fists .

_-_

_It just ain't right._

_Lord, it just ain't right._

_-_

It's wasn't fair. But she had to do it. She placed her hand on the shoji and slid it open, blue eyes peeking around the edge. He was there, laying there so beautifully.

_-_

_Oh and I don't know._

_I don't know what he's after._

_-_

Kaoru sucked in a breath and walked closer to him. What did this little man want from her? He always seemed to be searching for more. What was it?

_-_

_But he's so beautiful,_

_He's such a beautiful disaster._

_-_

His lovely blood red hair lay scattered around him, free from its binding. His strong arms were by his sides, and his chest moved with his breathing. His face wasn't exactly peaceful, but he looked calm enough. Kaoru moved ever closer. Kenshin didn't move. '_He must be sleeping deeply…' _She remembered her words from long ago.

'_You usually sleep lightly, so I think when you sleep deeply, you're dreaming of the past.'  
_

Was he dreaming of his past now? Of Tomoe? Of all those people he had killed? Or was he maybe…maybe even dreaming of her?

_-_

_And if I could hold on, _

_Through the tears and the laughter,_

_-_

They'd been through so much together. Kyoto and Shishio, Tomoe and Enishi, so much pain, so much joy. She had held on. She remained by him. That was all she wanted…

'_But Kenshin can still smile. He always smiles, with a little sorrow hidden in all his kindness. Maybe one life can't change an age. But I at least want to be by his side. I want to always be by his side.' _

Had she really thought that? She nodded her head a bit. Of course. Kamiya Kaoru never lied about Kenshin. Never. She reached a hand out tenderly and swept a small tendril of his hair from his face. He immediately stilled and she drew her hand back, fearful she had wakened him.

_-_

_Lord would it be beautiful? _

_Just a beautiful disaster._

_-_

'_He is so beautiful…' It was almost a putout, really. That he was so beautiful. He was handsome, in his own way, but…beautiful was a much better word._

'_Do you remember? When we came back from Kyoto, and I said"I'm home"? That was the first time I'd said those words ever since I became a vagabond.'  
_

When he said that, relief, joy and a kind of giddiness had filled her. The stupid man. He had no idea what he did to her. But that hope remained. Maybe he did love her as she loved him. Maybe…

_-_

_He's magic and myth._

_As strong as what I believe._

_-_

He thought he could do everything. He could save the world. He was just one man, damn it. '_Why does he place the weight of the world on himself?' _Unbidden by her, her fist slammed to her knee, causing him to stir slightly. She mentally kicked herself as violet eyes shot open.

_-_

_A tragedy with_

_More damage than a soul should see._

_-_

She could see the pain in his eyes, still not free from his dreams. That he should have that pain grip him even while he was awake was torturing to her. Those pretty purple orbs flicked to her form as she bit her lip.

"Kaoru-dono?"

'_Damn…again with the -dono!' _

"K-Kenshin! Are you alright?"

_-_

_But do I try to change him?_

_So hard not to blame him._

_-_

He sat up, blinking at her, his mouth forming the word 'oro'. His mouth stretched in a sheepish smile, and she frowned.

'_But Kenshin can still smile. He always smiles, with a little sorrow hidden in all his kindness.'_

Did all of his smiles hide his pain? That little bit of sorrow in him was killing her. She wanted to take it away. She moved closer to him.

"You looked like you were having a bad dream and I…I was just checking on you."

He smiled at her, that silly rurouni grin she had come to love and hate.

"Daijobu Kaoru-dono. I'm fine, go back to sleep."

"You're not! Why won't you let anyone care, Kenshin?"

She covered her mouth. Those words had come out so unexpectedly. She turned away from him and stood up.

_-_

_Hold me tight…_

_Baby, hold me tight._

_-_

"Gomen nasai Kenshin. I-I…"

She was unprepared when arms wrapped around her waist and his chin settled on her shoulder. She tilted her head to the side to see him with a small smile on his lips.

"I should be saying sorry to you. I've done nothing but push you away, ne?"

He shook his head, and they sunk to the floor together.

_-_

_Oh and I don't know._

_I don't know what he's after._

_-_

'_This man is going to be the death of me.' _Not only was he causing her heart to beat wildly out of control, but she was confused beyond measure. First he was being closed, and now he was holding her like he was finally opening up?

_-_

_But he's so beautiful,_

_He's such a beautiful disaster._

_-_

As she shivered from his warm breath on her neck, she knew she couldn't be mad at him. No…that baka rurouni had her wrapped around his little finger. She was never mad at him. She leaned back on him as he opened his mouth.

_-_

_And if I could hold on, _

_Through the tears and the laughter,_

_-_

"Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono," he said, ignoring her frown at the cursed honorific. "I didn't realize how much I had hurt you. But…when I had a talk with Sano, I realized something else."

Kaoru resisted the urge to snort. Talk with Sano? She needed to kill that baka tori-atama. He was going to rot her Kenshin's brain.

…her Kenshin? She was possessive.

-

_Would it be beautiful? _

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

_-_

He continued, snapping her from his thoughts.

"Of all the people I've come to know, when I was fighting Shishio, or Enishi, it was you I wanted to see when I finished. It was your smile. I…you are what kept me fighting Kaoru. And even though I realize I care about you more than anyone, I also know that I cannot have you."

_-_

_I'm longing for love and the logical,_

_But he's only happy hysterical._

_-_

Kamiya Kaoru was dizzy. Her heart was swelling and she closed her eyes. This was the best thing that had ever happen- what? '_I cannot have you.'_?

She turned halfway in his grasp, turning her blue eyes to his violet ones.

"What in Kami-sama's name are you talking about? You cannot have me? Shouldn't I decide that?"

He shook his head and looked ready to speak, and she growled.

"Kaoru-d-"

She cut him off with a kiss.

_-_

_I'm searching for some kind of miracle_

_Waited so long…_

_I've waited so long._

_-_

It was pure bliss. He went into a kind of shock as she pushed her lips against his, and took a total of two seconds before he responded. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he smiled and almost groaned into the kiss. Kaoru wasn't as innocent as believed.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers in his long hair, flowing freely down his back. As the need for air increased, Kenshin pulled back and panted slightly. Kaoru's hands didn't move, and her half-lidded blue eyes stared at his.

_-_

_He's soft to the touch,  
But frayed at the ends he breaks._

_-_

So beautiful…he was a cursed man. His eyes were closed, and a look of ecstasy was on his face. She smirked at him.

This small little man thought he could save the world. This sweet, gentle man was the worlds salvation. Not by being the Battousai, or rurouni. By being himself. Why couldn't he realize that?

_-_

_He's never enough,_

_And still he's more than I can take._

_-_

Resting her forehead on his she sighed. Himura Kenshin was going to be a handful. She pulled back and his eyes opened, violet in love and amber tinged in desire. Kaoru smiled softly at him, leaning forward until she was a millimeter from his lips.

"Aishiteru Kenshin no baka. Aishiteru always. Now kiss me, stupid."

_-_

_Oh and I don't know._

_I don't know what he's after._

_But he's so beautiful,_

_He's such a beautiful disaster._

_-_

That night, in the small confines of Himura Kenshin's room, a glorious display of love was displayed. Two lovers poured souls into each other, confiding and praying on survival with the other.

_-_

_And if I could hold on, _

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_-_

Kamiya Kaoru smiled and pulled away from the kiss, much to the confusion of Kenshin. His purple eyes, now almost fully gold were wide and uncertain.

_-_

_Would it be beautiful? _

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

_-_

"Kaoru?"

'_Hm…I like that. Kaoru…just Kaoru…'_

She smiled at him and leaned forward again, head tucked under his chin. He could feel her smile against his neck, and his hands pulled on her loose hair in question.

_-_

_He's beautiful…_

_-_

"Koishii?"

'_Hm…I like that more…'_

"Hm…?" Her murmured response made him resist the urge to rolls his eyes.

"Daijobu?"

She looked up at him. Kami-sama, save her. Red strands of hair framed his rather feminine face, and she smiled. His eyes were violet in concern, and she resisted the urge to kiss him until he was swirly-eyed and muttering 'orororororororo' nonstop.

_-_

_Lord, he's so beautiful…_

_-_

"Daijobu," she replied, a smile on her lips.

They settled into a silence, a growing but comfortable silence as the lovers embraced the feeling surrounding them. The quiet was broken by a soft whisper.

"Kenshin?"

"Hai, koishii?"

_-_

_He's beautiful…_

_-_

"You are so beautiful…"

-

O.O;;;

I love this song, and I heard it and thought of Kenshin being broken, haunted by his dreams, and decided to throw in Kaoru thinking about it.

Oh, I guess I should have put this at the top! Kenshin, will you do the honors?

Kenshin: Of course, Chee-dono! Chee-dono does not own Rurouni Kenshin, though she pretends she own this one! And...she also does not own 'Beautiful Disaster' by Kelly Clarkson! Arigatou!

Arigatou!

Animeobsessed3191 (-looks to the heavens- I hope I got those numbers right, I'm doing this from memory): You changed it from inuyashaobsessed! I hope you didn't give up on him! Here's some RuroKen for you!

Yu-Gi-Ah 2.0: …I love you. Really. -is grinning- You have reviewed all of my stories. This is for ya girl-blinks- At least, I hope you're a girl. -looks at Kenshin-steps closer- Right? You're a girl, ne?

Ahm…oh yeah!

My newest muse!

BRI-CHAN! Her FF account is yahikokenshinsanonightwing…

Don't ask. She knows Kenshin is mine! We're working on another RuroKen story called "Assassin's Girl"!

With her as my muse and Kenshin as her assistant, this story is going to be out of control! I hope to have 'Assassin's Girl' out soon! Check my profile for the summary!

Ja ne, minna-san!

- Chee


End file.
